You keep me flying
It's hard to surrender one's self... just so hard. Just when I think that it makes so much sense, that it looks and feels just right, I'm pulled back from that deep, dangerous fantasy by strong hands that promised not to let me go. So I'm thankful for that pull... but it hurts. It's so, heart-wrenchingly painful. It's a reminder that I don't have reality and the future within my two bare hands and that I've got to keep trusting. But what has sparked it off? Am I thinking too much? Are these my fears I'm grasping? Are these tears of paranoia? Of guilt, of unnecessary steps taken, a fear of commitment?
You keep me smiling
Or is it a real sense of caution? I don't know, I feel lost though I know clear well what the next step ought to be. The wilful mind gravitates so easily towards self-pity and needy-ness, and it's a constant battle of the mind and spirit to keep the chin up, get the prayerful thoughts going, and position my heart to hear God speak. On one hand I do see God speaking so clearly, but on the other I feel so deaf. It's desire that's clouding things up isn't it? Once surrendered, all things become clear... but Lord, how? Help me...
You keep me safe in a crazy world.
