God's been amazing, so so amazing - it's just heartening to know how He's being actively felt and faithful in the little things as well as in the big things. Just how everything flows - activities, time management, planning of the week, meeting of friends - is so out of my own control and has been working amazingly well the more I surrender it to His spirit and guidance. As one door closes another opens, while another opens as the other closes; sounds simple but it's so easy to be hair-tugging and a nervous wreck when demands from seminar work, ministry and social life can rush at you from all sides. But, praise God, everything's been working out great, and I'm loving London all the more not because everything's been working out great, but because I just feel it in my bones that God is here, right in the heat of things - protecting and guiding me - and that this is the place I'm really meant to be at this year. Hallelujah!
Nothing more than the confidence of being that sets you aright, and alight. A while ago I was paranoid and worn out by socialising; and after I realised that it really really wasn't about getting people to like me, or trying to prove anything, or getting friends really - what was I living for then? For the opinions and glances of people? No! I was re-oriented to focus on the crux of living, of singing, of being - for Him, for Him, for Him! As a lover finds purpose and meaning in a relationship, as well as derives her/his strength from it, God transcends even that notion to provide an even more powerful focus and meaning to what I'm doing. It shifts from me, me, me to something greater; I stop looking at my own inadequacies and little misgivings, I stop blaming other being for coldness or what-nots, I stop being fidgety the minute people don't give the responses I want - God has given me an incredibly supernatural ability to take off the masks, to be natural, to love. And it's knowing who I am - steeped in the identity and love of Christ - and the sheer stability of it that gives me strength to look beyond the failings, pessimism and self-consciousness of human beings, and appreciate the beauty that God is amongst people and relationships.
So socialising doesn't have to be tiring at all! heh heh heh.
Yes Lord help me focus on You!
