There're so many times when I feel so 'stuck' with words... for some reason I just can't relate how I feel in words. A bunch of feelings and emotions and abstracts in my head that seem to find their way out in words that don't quite fit the bill... and there're so many times when I feel thoroughly inadequate with my vocabulary bank. They're all there somewhere, the words, floating about in the fluff of clouds, drifting, and sometimes I just have such a hard time finding their lines, then tugging on the right ones, and reel them in - just to organise a sentence. Coherence was never my forte, neither is logic really. For one who claimed in a Primary 3 Science assessment that cockroaches in bell jars have the right to blow off candle flames, it looks like things haven't changed much! Trying to improve though. At least I can sense where in my essays the sentences just don't make any sense where I used to think they did. ho hum.
Don't feel too well physically, been experiencing ups and downs with health, and sudden giddiness just sets in occasionally. Sleep always does wonders, but once I wake up the body condition just deteriorates throughout the day. Don't exactly like this feeling where you feel unwell enough to refrain from activity, but you feel well enough to want some activity. Oh wells. I can't bring myself to blame Jake's super-virus, or any flu bug (that's somehow always around you realise) - at the end of the day no excuses seem justifiable, 'cuz I'm just not eating regularly, sleeping early and basically taking care of myself as I ought to.
Can't wait for the ski trip in week 10! But that would mean a final end to 3 years of BA classes... and as the final, final day of graduation draws nearer a sudden pang strikes in the heart. An end of yet another a phase; the last glimpses of faces, with last goodbyes and affectionate words. And what next? I'm still torn between schools, even though I thought I had peacefully settled on one. Rather, I'm torn between ambition and reality, between what I want and what's really best for me...... ah, distractions! Yes, what next?
So many things I don't know how to say, can't say, I shouldn't say, a bubble of words not just in my head but in my mouth just about to pop. What is this feeling? I can't say the word, with the capital L; it seems so remote, so far back, so far away from your touch; but it's what I miss, you. And there're times I wish you'd say hi, but I know that perhaps this present silence is all for the better. 7 years! What 7 years are these?
