And so the last week of my 2nd year has passed, the last week of my summer term, week 10... It's been an odd week, with me feeling neither here nor there most of the time; neither ill nor completely well, mentally neither in York nor in Singapore, neither in playing nor in studying mood, neither in full confidence of my grades not in a place of no confidence since I received last and this term's results within this week and they were rather extreme. It was quite a draggy week because physically I wasn't in tiptop condition and spiritually I know I hadn't surrendered so many things - my academic work, my time in York and my time to return to Singapore, my friends in York, etc.
And that's why after having a great QT for these couple of days, I know God's telling me to surrender, surrender to His timing and His perfect will for everything at the right place, at the right time. Thank You Lord.
And I've been feeling so much more at ease and joyful! :)
I woke up this morning in on a nice bed in Kathleen's house, knowing that I've got no agenda for the rest of the day and I can take things easy. Once again I found the joy of just doing things aimlessly (instead of running to the other extreme and being too task and goal-focused), found the joy of just chilling out, found the joy of cooking and sewing and having the time to just rest. And it was great because it started out with spiritual rest as well; been seeing the Matthew 11:28 verse a lot recently:
"Come unto me, all ye who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light..."
:) amen.
Anyways! It's been great fun being at Kathleen's place! I'm typing this post with Matt and Amanda in the same room, and it's been a nice relaxing day with them and Kathleen and Rokey just watching football/Gangs of NY/TV and chatting. It was such a beautiful day! Even the weather was great... honestly didn't think it was too hot because it was pretty windy outside even tho the sun was blazing. Well, it's supposed to be summer neh? It's the kinda day that keeps me smiling all day all night, like I've got a stupid grin fixated on my face and a song constantly playing in my heart. wheeee! The past 2 days have been quite manic. After finishing my seminar and presentation on Thursday I had to rush back to start packing. Thankfully I could pack within 2 days, and dear dear Yiwen helped me carry and load the stuff at Maddy's place so she could drive them to her new place in a few weeks. Ah! Thank you, you're THE MAN! And Maddy was so kind too, she got her housemates to help me carry the stuff up, and I felt so embarrassed, and like I was taking advantage of them. eeks, but ahh I'm just so thankful for them. And thanks to Heng Chin, Rokey and Edwin who helped me with the stuff to Chen Tai's car as well. ah!! and I was so thankful for the car lift to Kathleen's place because it would have been such a massive task carrying all the stuff to her place by foot. I feel so loved, God cares even for my physical needs!
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Ps 103
Highlights of the past week - it started out with a bang on Sunday night when a group of us did an all-nighter (well not all of us, but most of them stayed till 5 am anyway) at Kathleen's. Matt, Rokey and I had a good chat in the living room from about 11ish pm to 6ish am. (!!!!) But it was amazing, I enjoyed that chat so much, we talked about all kind of random things and I don't remember having enjoyed such a long conversation... ever? After that we started playing Cultris with Amanda in the next room till about 7ish, but after a while we realised we were too 'wasted' (not drunk) to make any sense of what we were playing so we stopped. Matt then picked up the guitar and started playing a worship song about the Spirit and we started singing... and it evolved into a beautiful time of free worship and prayer; it was so intense and heartfelt! (I sense a trend here - a week ago 3 other girls and I had a similar time like this together.) All of us were emotionally and spiritually on our knees as we realised God's reality and goodness during that time; I felt released from so many things and my hunger for God increased. After that time we went to the next room to pray for one another (one at a time), specifying certain issues we've shared about or things we knew were on one another's hearts and listening out for the Spirit's whisper. It was immensely charged, full of love, deep Spirit-led connection, and such brotherly-sisterly concern. The preceding conversation and this prayer thing couldn't have come at a better time because the old struggles of 'all men are irresponsible idiots' had surged back suddenly due to something which sparked it off, and once again God opened my eyes to see how lovely brothers are. ah, thank you Lord, thank you.
We finished at 11ish, had lunch, and I left for my film lecture, and because it was completely dark (film screening mah.) I dozed off on the chairs. Went home, slept 16 hours, woke up, went to the library to catch the film I missed; 没差。
Had another similar spontaneous time with Kathleen, Matt, Rokey and Shiao En on Thursday at the Quiet Place. 'twas good. :) Good reminder to be still before God too.
Other highlights of the week - just before this week actually, on Saturday, Ailin, Cui and I watched a Uni of York Drama Soc Twelfth Night production at the park! It was an open-air performance, and the acting was great!! Was so impressed.... on Wednesday we had a Halifax CU BBQ and it was such great fun! Had a joint with Langwith CU and besides the fact that our sausages caught fire, everything was good. The company, food... farewells......... sigh. Weds was quite emotional as well, because it dawned on me for the first time that I won't be seeing Karen, Phillippa, etc. again. bittersweet! We did a vertical spelling-out of H-A-L-I-F-A-X, and come to think of it we should have put a "CU" at the end of it. Oh wells! Anyways, God has blessed Halifax so much this term and there've been tonnes of answered prayers regarding this college. So thankful!!
After the BBQ I finalised preparations for my presentation the next day and dashed off to Tash and Lauren's belated 21st party. It was SUCH an enjoyable chill-out night. After a whole day of running around I was so glad just to sit on the sofa and stone (NOT drugged), enjoy the electronica-jazz that was booming, tasting sweet delicacies of desserts and cakes and ice cream, enjoying just no-pressure chill-out conversations with people. Had a good convo with Havela and it's such a different experience chatting with Americans. She's an exchange studient from Columbia University and my, she can really talk!! I think, very generalisingly, I love the Americans for being so forthright with their views and to an extent, being so arguable. But when they disagree/agree with you they really express it, they don't condescend to you or be obsequious for the sake of 'face'. I guess each culture has its merits and weaknesses... was quite amazed to hear that in America you can actually submit a dissertation to a panel of judges and defend your paper with arguments and words if they think your paper is crap. Yeah, defend your paper just right in front of that panel. Wow... will I have the guts to do that? Hm.
Other random things this week - got my German results and I really really am quite puzzled by the results, because I expected a pass at the very highest. And I got a distinction? Which is really quite weird. But I'm not complaining hurhur. Got my all-nighter essay about Trainspotting back as well, and my tutor gave an excellent review of it. Weird........ but I was so thankful! A couple of days later I looked up the notice board for my grades for last term and I got a 2-2; was really quite shocked because I've never gotten anything so low before, and I was quite disheartened because my 2nd essay had a 54 when I was rather confident of it. And I was disheartened because it jeopardises perhaps my potential for getting a Master's scholarship? But a couple of hours later this paranoia went away; I was glad that God was encouraging me not condemning me for it, and I realised that this was a good thing - it'll encourage me to work harder for my summer essay. Look forward, not back. 2-2 ain't the end of the world wheeee! ;)
I probably have a lot more to type but it's getting late and I ought to be in bed soon. But yeah! Week 10 has been hectic, it's had its fair share of struggles, but now I just feel so comforted once again that God's here, God's real, and God blesses.
Sweet, sweet surrender - gotta let go of the friendships I'm holding onto in York and thoroughly enjoy the remaining days I have in England with them.
Singaporeeeeee beckons!!!!
Adieu, adieu. I'll miss you all to bits.
