'Twas an interesting week with its fair share of activities, but it left me pretty jaded so I'm really glad to have the Sunday off to rest. Slept 2 hours in the afternoon and I didn't wake up feeling particularly refreshed, but spent some time with God after that and it was much needed, because despite appearances of joy and enthusiasm I keep getting convicted of various ugly things in my heart and it's been a time of struggling and praying, that He'll 'create in me a pure heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me'. CU yesterday and Elim today spoke so much to me again, with Ebony's testimony (the dear girl has such a gift of speaking) and Sandra's reminder that no matter how ugly, flawed and disgusting we all are deep inside, God still says, "I love you." It's so humbling to know that, to know we are ultimately still sinful creatures and no matter what we do we can't save our skin or make ourselves feel good about 'being nice', that ultimately I've to climb back into my Father's arms and understand that it's not a performance, it's not about appearances, it's not about vainglory, not about myself, but about Him, Him, Him. Sacrifice. 'Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.' So many things I still hold onto, so many things I'm unwilling to give up. Father I lay at your feet weak and worn, but Your grace is sufficient. And in surrendering I gain power - I'm more than a conqueror (rom 8).
It's been such a week of blessing tho. Even in the midst of surrendering God has been faithful and understanding. Stern, so stern, but lovingly faithful. And anyway this entire week has been a week of glorious sunshine; with each day I'm so thankful I'm in York because of creation's beauty all around, with the sun just accentuating its glory. In summer everyone appears to be happier, more laid back, more at ease with one another. With sweltering (well, in UK) degrees of sub-30 the Singaporeans are finally wearing their 'normal' clothes out, guess we jumped out of our skin eh, heh heh. But anyways it's been a good time of sports out in the field and BBQs and bible studies on the fields and outdoor fun. There hasn't been particularly much this week, but there were a couple of highlights that were certainly memorable. Halifax CU on Weds was really enjoyable; we split into girls-only and guys-only groups. The guys (stereotypically) played some football, worshipped and did a BS out on halifax field; the girls did a BS on one of the Wentworth lawns and went into a room to share and pray, then we contributed (anonymously) a list of questions that were quite personal (mode of dressing, cohabitation, sexual sin, etc.) and shared our opinions on it. There were about 14 girls and a good mix of people because we had older people like Monique and Faith (who's married) and newer Christians around. I enjoyed myself tremendously, so kudos to Kirsten and Michelle who organised it. :) It was heartening to receive Dave (the previous CRep)'s encouragement on the work done in Halifax CU. A lot of the time I feel like I might not be as involved or as enthusiastic as I'd like to be, but I think this term has been an amazing testimony to the faithfulness of God because the problems we had last term simply vanished, and people are growing, things are improving - hallelujah. The Spirit convicted me of this promise at the end of last term when things looked abit dismal, and it's heartening to know once again, that God never fails His promises. :)
Did an all-nighter on Weds 'cuz of my essay due in the next day. I don't know if it's an excuse, but I guess I do work better under a certain level of pressure. It wasn't assessed anyway, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with it. Dodgy conclusion. Still I enjoyed myself tremendously when I researched/wrote it; it was an essay on Trainspotting and how humour was adapted from text to screen. I just love that film, and the more I watch it the more I love it! but anyways. I slept at 8am and woke up at 11am, then miraculously carried on the next day as if I've slept for 8 hours. Went over to Esther's to sing and practise some songs with her, Ruby and Kaki, and after Ruby and Kaki left, Esther and I continued chatting till about 1.30am. Enjoyed chatting to her, she's such a dear! But we talked about certain things that left me worried over a particular sister who might not be in a very safe situation right now...... but yeah, it's in God's hands I hope.
Anyways, slept at 2am. The next morning Ailin and I fellowshipped and sang together, then I gymmed abit and cycled back hurriedly to bake some brownies for the BBQ on Sat (Ailin baked yummy muffins!), then left for YCCF early to do a run-through of the songs with the rest. YCCF farewell was really sweet and heartfelt, there's a slight pensiveness about seeing the seniors leave. And it'd be quite a big transition for each of them anyway, no matter where they go next. Anyways, it was a really good time of fellowship, and that night in particular I was so encouraged by the blessings God has given YCCF, and the blessing YCCF has been in turn to all its members. For a short while a big group of mainly girls gathered in the next room to pray blessings over Huang Xiao who recently decided to put her faith in Jesus, and it was so delightful to see love, love, love shared amongst us, and just how supportive and encouraging they all are. As usual I enjoyed staying behind with a small group just to chill and eat and chat about random things (or watch random videos about mentos explosions)... went back, had cereal-muffin-brownie supper with Ailin and Jason, and slept at 2 with a sugar-laden stomach and a contented smile.
Saturday - YCCF BBQ at Kathleen's, and ahh! I love gardens! Or rather, I love bright green gardens adorned with flowers, baked in sunshine, and reeking of BBQ smoke (or maybe not the smoke). We were BBQed ourselves in the sun and arr I've gotten a shade darker, but the games were fun and hilarious. Food, fun, fellowship and world cup! :) And glorious, glorious cake......
After that I left for CU with some others and the message was brilliantly spoken. Common passage - David and Bathsheba - but the speaker delivered it with an edge I've never considered and an impeccable sense of balance with regard to the gravity and severity of sin alongside the perfection and liberation of forgiveness+grace; Ben did spontaneous worship with Psalm 51 in the end and after the last song of 'Purify my Heart' I was reduced to tears and shaking because I was confronted with the passage's tragedy for the first time, as well as with the ugliness of sin. After CU, Shiao En and I went to catch Singsoc at the heslington fields behind Halifax for their BBQ but when we reached they were already packing up, and heading towards Wood K for games. So we followed on and I played a couple of mahjong games before retiring to my room. Was exhausted.
I guess I felt particularly exhausted because of the essay alongside seminar requirements, the all-nighter and the result of so many activities crammed into the spate of just 2-3 days nearing the end of the week. But I remembered going to night one day and asking myself, "If I could manage my time better or reduce activities what would I have changed?" There was a long silence after that and I concluded, "nothing, I guess." What does God think, tho? I suppose my time management now is a lot better than what it used to be and quite a few activities have already been sacrificed. Haven't been meeting up with Beth and Sarah and the fat birds as much as I want to :( And I used to have cell group with YCC too. There've been a lot of other prayer meetings and stuff with Benno and James that I wanted to go for as well. and OMNIs. But OMNIs have all been on Fridays this term. Sigh, anyway, I really pray that God show me the need to balance myself out further or reduce activities if He wants me to...
Renewed my interest in drum n bass and Pandora's an absolute darling. Interestingly I'm reading Shakespeare alongside it, wonder what he'll think of it if he were still alive. And Kor, I hope to borrow your Lamb stuff when I'm back home okie okie okie? :D
To those having impending exams... jia you ok! :) Keeping you in prayer and hope time management and interest will be sustained! take care of your health...
