Perhaps it's the onset of summer (ish) that's teaching me to appreciate cloudy days -not that I dislike the heat or sun in any way, but I'm starting to discover the wistful poesy of grey skies, the damp air, and the smell of bittersweet musky rain unleashed and unreleased above. Yes you get that a lot in Singapore I reckon, but when temperatures are 10-20 degrees less it definitely becomes a lot more beautiful.
Cloudy days just have so much depth to them. It's not in your face, it's crying but it's not depressed, smiling but not tediously happy, it's a mixture of maturity and sobriety, with a calm, calm silliness with, maybe, the rustling of trees and the scurrying of ducks. It's just romantic.
'Twas a rather tiring week. Haven't been hyper-occupied as I was last term, thankfully, but yeah my health is weakening slightly so it's a sign for me to rest more. So 'coincidentally' that the things I've been reading in the bible for the past week have been about finding spiritual rest in God as well. Rest... I need to get my Sabbath day worked out. Been rather stressed on Sundays because there's always Anglo-Saxon the next day. Need to get this toxic out of my system and pray for God to help me like it, rather than psychologically repel it the minute it gets into my mind.
Might be a combination of tiredness, doleful weather and thoughts of home that's contributing to a quiet sense of melancholy in me. I don't know yet, need to get home with God to find out what's going on first. But it's not quite a melancholy that's depressive, and I don't know how to put a finger on it, but it's one that's making me smile deep down inside especially when I take a walk outside and look at flowers, greenery and birds all around, and I'm not quite sure what it means. A quiet sense of stillness inside, compatible with the grey skies in York now, appreciating the many little things from guitar strings to laughter to flapping wings and little raindrops falling on your face. Even that conversation by the lake with Rokey this afternoon felt so peacefully quiet, no not in terms of volume or what we talked about, but it's that quiet stillness as of a touch of raindrop on a still water, creating little circles flowing outwards. The ease with which we blended into the landscape and skies and lake, laughing about random things from ducklings to life to people. Such ease makes me think of Singapore really, how do I find the sense of balance once again in a bustling city of tall buildings, concrete paths, stifling claustrophobia and just, the cold, narrow space in between each concrete slab of wall? Guess I'm not too worried anyway, 'cuz half of me really wants to run home now into the arms of my mom, and I know as in all previous experiences God does provide and will. Yesterday's CU message was timely and a wonderful reminder of what my name means I suppose - that God's grace is sufficient and all I need, and I never have to fear because He's always with me.
This is the Air I breathe...
