funny thing, time is, when it grows on you and necessitates the growth of other feelings you thought would fade away. but some burn in the corner like a steady flame and occasional blindness overlooks it, especially when the entire room is enveloped in black... but no, it's still there, burning in a corner, somehow burning more steadily and poignantly than before
perhaps before they were just sparks of everything and maybe nothing. now... are they something? one thing? growing... into another?
Fly the ocean in a silver plane...
Sometimes eyes grow all over you in spurt of a second and you're aware of your own weaknesses in a way that's never struck you before. and you're aware that others are aware. now you wonder how much you're actually in the spotlight of scrutiny without knowing it - each of us, really, in our own spotlights - when all the world's a stage and people are desperately trying to play themselves, ignoring the cues and director's calls. I ignore the cue and call so very often, but I'm trying to listen, would you please? please? teach me how to? or do I not play anymore? just... be?
it's times like these you miss the coconut tree with its leaves swaying with the east coast wind, or sentosa with beach volleyball and fake white sand; but it's a picture you want to keep in your wallet and in your heart not in your eyes, not when it's a stark reminder of rain, tropical thunderstorms and crummy sea - but sometimes that makes the picture all the more beautiful, all the more painfully sweet. It's a picture that God's teaching me to paint, or not paint. just watch, just rest.
See the jungle when it's wet with rain...
interestingly I stumbled upon something I wrote in 2003:
Heat.
Heat, seething, seething...
grasps your inner nervous chains
tug-of-war.
Iron. Compounding the
heavyweights of the mind
the empty gallows of above.
Empty. but crust-stuffed
Broken crust. peeling skull.
wasting, wasting,
Wasting away in the soiled air of the night
the enemy that attacks
ever so promptly - once a month
The Nemesis unleashes its aggression.
Strife, oh woe-begotten child.
Senses dulled to the zeroes of this earth.
vigour declines,
energy
seeping, seeping
Through molecules
of the unknown
unseen
unfelt.
Nemesis
crushes me by its brute strength
leaves me down
weak
dead.
haha... what hyperbole...
