Pride. Why do you let it kill you?
Something's been on my heart for ages and if I don't spit it out I'm afraid I'll procrastinate so long that I swallow it back in. But some of you know I'm entirely non-confrontational and, without the risk of open backfire here's a little something worth thinking of if you've had problems with God, tho I don't claim to be anything anything anything (at all!!) but a relayer of certain messages that've been hitting me like a bombshell again, and again, and again. It's not going to be an easy swallow precisely because it deals with our defense mechanism and self-worth - pride - but I hope you'll be open...
Why do you let it kill you?
There're so many forms of pride and so many insidious ones that lurk in our subconscious that people aren't even aware of it. The pride we're familiar with is that of arrogance, self-righteousness and boastfulness, and we know in love (1 Cor 13) there is no space for pride or self-inflation. And that's what pride is, isn't it? self-inflation. But how many manifestations of that are there in our personal lives? Thousands. Millions. So many of which we aren't aware. Even loving other people sacrificially for subconscious self-worth and empowerment is horribly self-inflatory. My fallibilities are being revealed to me everyday and the more I grow closer to God the more I'm terribly aware of my weaknesses and pride, all of which have been concealed before my eyes were gradually opened -- and in this process I've discovered so many shocking forms of pride that have to be wrenched out of me in order to keep growing - and I'll address some of them here
Why do I not hear God? He doesn't speak to me.
Or are you not listening? I've had discussions with many who treat God as a vending machine and one in which they can slot some coins and expect a candy bar in return; I've also met many who claim they love God but really just treat him as a part-time boyfriend or girlfriend. (note: biblically, God is NOT male) The very reason God demands our entire heart and love is not because He's selfish, it's because our very lives require that commitment - just look at how split our lives are and how absolutely tired people are nowadays (and I'm not talking about physical weariness), or just how wrenchingly torn between decisions some can get, and that's because grey areas have been expanding, our boyfriends and girlfriends are aplenty, we each invest a little in self-worth, a little in friendships, a little in the world's standards, a little in the self's standards. How absolutely knackering! The reason why God demands our entire heart and love is because He knows our heart's just meant for one life partner yet we try to juggle between all our boyfriends and girlfriends, even worse, when we treat God like a part-time entertainer and comforter and seek Him when times are pressing but run away when candies and chocolates and shiny lights of the world seduce us. Honestly, and it was my older brother who pointed it out to me, I wouldn't want to commit to a God who demands less than all of my attention either - what kind of a Husband does that make Him? Someone who's satisfied with 364 days of 'total commitment' but 1 day of flirting and adultery with other men? No thanks...... But, back to listening. The point here is that of commitment - how much we're actually willing to put down our headphones and listen to God? Because by straddling all the world on our hands we're actually trying to listen to Him with our headphones and our own music on.
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Matthew 6:24
Money as an embodiment of the world - friendships, human love, guys, girls, achievement, results, degrees, possessions, music, talents, self
I guess some questions that've helped me everytime I don't hear from Him as well are -
Am I just making my own decisions throughout the day without thinking twice about Him? Do I honestly think that my knowledge and experience are enough for making decisions?
Am I consciously aware that all I do is for Him?
Am I consciously and wilfully sinning in any area?
Of course there comes a fine line between being conscious of God and being a nervous wreck trying to legitimate and justify every decision, but that's where the spiritual gift of Grace comes in, one that... just naturally works in us when we place the focus on God, not on ourselves. Being a nervous wreck itself is evident self-focus since the self becomes what matters in making decisions... tricksy. And that's why the Spirit is so important. It gives us inexplicable, super-natural wisdom in handling these issues... wisdom that doesn't operate in a normal way, really.
Am I consciously and wilfully sinning in any area?
Christians all struggle - I'm not perfect either. In fact I'm honestly rubbish and selfish in so many ways, but my rest comes in Jesus who helps me acknowledge first that I'm weak, but mercifully stretches his hand out to me so I can be embraced in His love and find strength within. But... wilful sin, and holiness, cannot be underestimated in our walk with God, and honestly (shamefully) this is something I do, tho God's working it out in me right now, thankfully........ :)
Just to quote Psalm 24:3-4 -
"Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false."
I've to pray for purity every single day, almost every moment in fact, because our hearts are just putrid! So many moments when I've self-consciously compared myself with others, been envious, been arrogant, been loving in a selfish way, etc. but I acknowledge these, and I confess before you because that's the point - I acknowledge, and I know I'm not perfect but I strive for perfection IN GOD instead. And that's the Christian walk - acknowledging God's revelation of our weaknesses and not being self-destructive about it, but delighting in God's fellowship with us and the fact that He's loving us and willing to pull us out of the muck, whoaaaaaaaaa that's truly Love Incomprehensible, Love Irrational and hey LOVE ACTUALLY...
And, going back to the point on pride - actively and consciously putting a stop to all things that will turn us from a life of God's holiness IS counter-pride because it requires submission, it requires an acknowledgement that we aren't kings of our lives and we can't save ourselves from our mess no matter how hard we try.
"I bow before your holy Temple as I worship.
I will give thanks to your name
for your unfailing love and faithfulness,
because your promises are backed
by all the honor of your name.
When I pray, you answer me;
you encourage me by giving me the strength I need. . . .
Though the LORD is great, he cares for the humble,
but he keeps his distance from the proud."
Psalm 138:2,3, 6 (NLT)
Why do I not hear God? Why is He so dormant?
Do you actually listen?
On another note, there've also been tonnes of people we meet (and you and I know this) who call themselves 'Christians' without knowing what it really means. The bible (and Jesus), as with most definitions, simply do not allow for grey areas to form and expand - either you're a Christian, or you're not. You don't just 'believe' in Jesus and God and tada become a Christian. The bible says even the devil knows who God and Jesus are. How does the bible define a Christian?
"Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as `Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven. On judgment day many will tell me, `Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' But I will reply, `I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized." (Matthew 7:21-22, NLT)
or, in the NIV,
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."
1 John 1:6-9
"If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."
1 John 2:4
"The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him."
How do we do what he's saying if we're not listening?
But, ahhh,
DISCLAIMER:
Matthew 7:1-5 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
And that's why I'm open about my weaknesses, because I'm still learning too.
Ok, I really can't do justice to this entire issue. There're so many parentheses I wanted to include because I can't give the 'balanced' GP-style argument with just...... letters on a screen. And these words are dead if you're not open to them anyway. But ring me or text me if you disagree heartily on many points and I'm sure we can have a peaceful healthy discussion on anything :D
Am off to a weekend away near Sheffield. God BLESS you and make His face shine on you.
(and you do know I LOVE you all right? Why else would I be posting this...)
