Finally I can post something substantial after 2 weeks of random inconsequential ramblings due to a crazy schedule of endless back2backs and bureaucratic madness --
Just realised that today's a last day-woohoo for so many tired people on campus. Tonight's Battle of the Bands finals, last day of Fame, CU Mishweek's final meeting, what else...? So many people around me have been falling ill and I don't think it's just the bug; it's mid-term flu and just about time after everyone's started to get busy week 3 onwards and never really had time to rest. So we're into week 6 now, with bright sunny Sunday tomorrow and a reading week ahead to slack away although my diary's marked with quite a few appointments including the one with my church leader. Am looking forward to that actually; really appreciate what he's done for Halifax CU. Then again it's essay week, though I'm not complaining all that much because I'm really in the mood now to curl up in bed and read forever and ever and ever.........
On a side note I lost my orange stripey file with all my lecture notes and forms and reports and my last essay + tutor's comments on it and random stuff. Have no idea where it's gone so I hope it mysteriously floats down from the sky. With chocolate muffins and baby bunnies too, please.
Walk into the forest, what's the first animal you see?
So it's moving week 6, and half my time at York's up. :( I suppose when I was praying about this a few weeks back and asking God to bring my heart back home and remind me that I've to go back eventually, He did all kinds of funny things by getting my mom to send me a text saying "你弟弟想你呢!", bringing back memories of prayer parties at Sam's place and bringing the photos around my room to life - suddenly my church youths and mates started to move and speak, voices and noises at prom and choir and my home swept by like the wind at ECP. Oh, east coast. Just 15 minutes away from my house. I miss the sand and the sea and just sitting on the breakwater, staring into the half-murky water and the unforgettable distance thinking about what the future might portend.
You walk further in, and what's the next animal you see?
Somehow these memories are deterring me from going back now when they worked so well a few weeks ago in bringing my heart back.
Maybe it's the fact that my best friend's leaving in a week, and all the places I love in Singapore just happen to be the places we really frequent.
Who walks out of the cupboard?
Jesus. Be me first wuv. mwah.
Yes, it's been a hectic frantic chaotic (ticks itch) 2 weeks, don't think I remember being that busy ever in my whole life. Even in sec school and JC there was only one major commitment at one time (somehow the timing worked even if I had responsibilities in at least 2 areas), these 2 weeks it's been eVeRyThInG meshed together at one go. I had to straddle between the preparation and organising of events college-wide and uni-wide, delegation and coordinating, waking up early to squeeze in academic work and prayer meetings, and then attend these events college-wide and uni-wide. Needless to say it was impossible for me to attend every event although I was kinda required to my friends were understanding enough to let me alternate uni and college stuff. Thank God, really really really thank God for how He planned my time and gave me the strength to do all that. Even though I half-died towards the end of it (literally; Fri night I felt I could just faint) I look back at this week and marvel because I've had at least 3 major things to attend to every single day and given my rubbishness at managing time and health I would have broken down mid-week if not for God's strength >.<
... and I've learnt so, so, so much. Learnt what it's like working with the Brits, what it really means to love and be loved by brothers and sisters, learnt to accept help and delegate (and that it requires humility!), learnt to trust even more more more in the Lord and to know that everything works for the good of those who love him (rom 8), learnt crisis and temper management (or at least trying to) when so many things can backfire and screw up on you last minute from bureaucracy to FURNITURE and petty regulations, learnt letting go and letting God because I'm a super high-strung Singaporean Chinese who likes to plan a gadzillion years in advance and expect things to go my way, learnt humility, humility, humility from the only fully humble person - God himself - in so, so many ways. Realised I've been complacent with apologetics and biblical reading because after dinner parties and questionnairing I've heard others speak about issues and I feel like I know nothing, tho not in a destructive sense because I feel so encouraged to read more. Learnt... that all in Christ my beloved CU and brothers-sisters belong to one massive family that's so ready to support its members because every single person just has one single focus and one single heart of humility to serve HIM. Everyone's been such a star and giving me constant, constant encouragement and thanks. Everyone's been such a servant and regardless of whether one is president/ordinary member/mishteam there's such... Love and Humility! And such confidence because of that. Because of Him. Relationship with God rocks. Rock hallelujah on!
The downside of 'over-serving' is yes, getting really really physically exhausted. With physical exhaustion comes emotional instability, and for these few days I've caught a glimpse of what I used to be again, because my emotions have been wavering rather drastically within a short span of time. Take today for example, I felt really relaxed in the morning, felt better singing to God on the guitar, started praying and felt great, then at a point everything crumbled and for no apparent reason a cloud of guilt and weakness hung over me, after I kept renouncing it it disappeared, after QT I felt such peace, then went to play badminton and it plunged downwards for no apparent reason either, it got worse, worse, worse to the point I felt my world was collapsing, prepared dinner and ran out for CU, started serving and climbed uphill all the way till the end and I was immensely hyper... now I'm just tired ba. It hasn't been like this for quite a while I think. Perhaps Daddy's warning me not to be complacent...
*keep trusting!*
At least He's taught me to deal with these emotions :) The closer to Him I am the more able I am to deal with them. Rock hallelujah on!
Week 5 wrap-up. Washing up, flyering, questionnairing, grill-a-Christians, Hot Potatoes, Jazz Cafe, Truth night, meetings, Fame, Battle of the Bands finals. Great conversations with non-Christians and Christians alike. It's funny how in a span of 2 days I've had 3 sisters crying and pouring out their troubles as well... confirming what I've been doing so far and heralding what is to come (Ma this might be for you too). God's increased my love for my sisters (not necessarily Christian) so much more as well - and this is quite a big jump for someone who's had so many !!!@#$%-politik issues with girls and quite disliked girls to begin with...... I just love my girlfriends now :) cheesy but sweet heh heh heh
Pride. Why do you let it kill you?
