雪花纷纷而下；
弹着电子琴，看着窗外的美景，心里不禁感到好幸福，好幸福...
... and such a quiet feeling of joy it was, when I walked back to Halifax last night in the snow in the company of laughter and banter, in the still night when all is quiet all is calm, it didn't even matter that passengers of a passing car hurled snowballs at us, didn't even matter that I was dead tired from the 7-hour train journey from Swansea, didn't matter that I just watched a horrendously violent movie called Saw II, it was just still, and quiet, and joy from a calm serenity of blessedness just sprung and flowed inside of me...
... the joy of being Loved by Him and knowing that all I have now - friendships, free dinners (thanks again guys!!), computer-smart friends who know everything I don't about techie stuff considering I'm such a techie-idiot, love from spiritual parents such as Beth's parents, God's provision that demonstrates such faithfulness time and again in areas little to large, physical nourishment, spiritual rest - come from God and Him alone, and this dependence on Him, no it's not a handicap, it's not making me a cripple, it's teaching me to fly and soar even more so above the depravity and reality of this world. In the words of Donne,
"Take me to You, imprison me, for I,
Except You enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me."
...after all there are plenty of ways people entrap themselves in the world, and its marred definition of joy and love, while finding their course of freedom...
The night is nearly over, the day is almost here. Clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ...
Blessed. :) I suppose a deeper understanding of being blessed would find its place in the significance of the Beatitudes. Was praying this morning and He revealed that blessings aren't just about good things - after all in the Beautitudes it does say that those the blessed are those who mourn, weep, who are persecuted. Blessing in God is independent of circumstance! It stems utterly from a complete and ever-growing, steady relationship with Him and understanding that you're fully loved and fully cherished. Hence "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (romans 8:37) - and oh trust me, if I'm bulling my way through here with mere head-understanding or simple adherence to a bunch of promises and rules in the bible, I know full well that it's... bull. But it's not precisely because weird 'coincidences' don't happen daily, because crazy miracles do happen, because the greatest miracle isn't the split-second healing of cancer or illness but the life-transformation of a broken vessel; it's not bull because experience validates it.
Ah... the past few days have been a time of physical recuperation, nourishment and spiritual rest. I've never eaten so much in... ages! It's a wonder that I was constantly hungry and snacking. (haha Ailin, 我'半个男人'的胃口又回来了！) And I had the joy of eating traditional Christmas dinner (which is actually christmas lunch) - turkey and roast potatoes, carrots, sprouts, stuffing, Christmas pudding with something called Brandy Butter, luxurious (for a poor international student) beverages like champagne and wine and... wow. mmmmm mm. also, I watched really hilarious stuff like the 60s 'The Producers' and 'Emporer's New Groove', plus 'The Importance of Being Earnest' which was shown on Christmas (or eve?). Aside from that I had the chance to actually rest and pray and seek God, and really take a break from all that stress about the essay and the new term and direction for ministry. Felt such a spiritual release from everything as I was praying night after night; haven't felt like I was praying in the Spirit for a long long time and it was such an exhilarating release when consciousness released itself and I did, by His grace... suddenly clarity is restored, suddenly Love finds its rightful place in my heart, suddenly determination and motivation return - and I don't have to be tired anymore because Love motivates me to do all things. I've been trying too hard to do too many things with my own strength and my own love... 1 John 4 and other passages about love keep popping up and all the while I thought it was about interpersonal relations, but God lightning-bolted me and opened my eyes to see it as a necessary motivation for ministry work... and that it has to start FIRST from my relationship with Him.
Without Love there hardly can be anything else, neh?
...Thanks so much Beth *hugs* it's been a wonderful few days and praise God for a sister like you! And thanks so much Rokey!! for the computer... nice to see my baby alive and kicking again ^.^ ahhh thanks so much so much !!
Blessed. ;)
