It's interesting how the more you're doing God's work, the more you get under attack. Why can't the devil be less predictable right. Mockery aside, I'm not denying that it does have its toll on me. Suddenly I feel really down, but perhaps I'm just tired.
I'm just so frustrated... (knowing that it's a ploy to screw my mind up) about what I know I should do and think and what I really do or think instead. About work... about thinking pure and humble thoughts. I feel so zapped. Feel so filthy sometimes. Like I'm really unable. And really, praise God that I'm unable so I'll learn to rest in Him.
I can't, I can't do it alone. I feel awfully contaminated and weak GET BEHIND ME DEVIL and especially needy because there're too many things I keep trying to do. Work's a big rush and Ulysses is daunting. Bible studies and prayer meetings are getting headway but there's a big fat LIE in my head that I'm a failure at these things because Jesus says I'm not.
And God loves me not for my performance... He loves me regardless of what I do
Why don't you get that enqi? Why can't you just rest in Him?
Stop expecting yourself to do anything. Just rest.
I feel so rubbish...
perhaps I just need sleep.
