Am feeling funnnnny. Mixed feelings... or perhaps I'm just tired. Will go to bed at 2 - slept at 3 last 'night' and woke up for a 915 seminar. Needless to say, I was pretty zonked for the rest of the day and Old English was as horrible as ever. Am so grateful to Emily when she said later on that examination texts will be exactly the same as the ones we do in class. Whew. Can't imagine what it'll be like if we had no glossary, no dictionary, no whatevers in the examination hall.. come to think of it I really dislike exams. They test your crisis management ability, not your academic prowess! Thank God I'm in York. Only 1 exam in my entire 3 years hurhurhur. :)
Oh well. Perhaps I'm feeling mixed because I suddenly realised what being 20 could mean. It's just a digit away from being 19, and I don't suppose an added '2' will make much of a difference. But this uneasy discomfort comes with the fact that over the past year I've changed tremendously, tremendously... been through horrible phases and struggles but thank God, eventually turned out for the better. Somehow the past year seems really long... but it's already end-November turning December so what can I say? Time still flies like a bullet train.. as ever. Generally think it's a good thing except for moment like these when I want time to freeze in the uni period. Things now are absolutely fantastic part of me doesn't want to move on. But I know I can't stay stagnant forever so I know I've to grow gently out of my cocoon shell...
Come to think of it, during Nott Games (this big Singaporean sports and games thingy held by Nottingham university, for singsocs all over England. Interestingly, China socs are starting to invade the competitions too...) I had this conversation with Meiyin and Lin that reminded me of what I was like when I was 13-14. Oh goodness. The terror years. Well I suppose those years were necessary for me to look back and thank God that I'm not like that anymore. Haha. :) Wish I had a digital picture of me back then but no, digital cams weren't that 'in' at that point of time so yeah. But I can easily find a picture of me pointing a middle finger at the camera, with my goldish-brownish dyed hair and loose belt, high socks and friendship bands around the ankles, total of 5 ear-holes....... I didn't get the nickname 'chao ah lian' for nothing. :) No I'm not glorifying my past. I'm so thankful I left it hee! Because the then-state was a common experience of depression, desperation, being lost and aimless in a seemingly god-forsaken world, of fleeting love and playing around and disillusionment and bitterness...
Am I so thankful I found Love.
