Like a toddler running after my papa.
Sometimes I don't feel the hand holding mine because I'm too overwhelmed by the sight of it. Its colours! The bright eye-candies... yellow and blue and orange and red. Are these the colours? Look, I'm so smart. I'd love to touch them... or it. feel it, put it in my mouth...
can I, daddy?
But I feel the hand pulling me away.
It's hurting me. Let go? Please? No. Don't let go. But please don't pull too harddd. You don't love me anymore. But you do, right?
Is it fire?
Oh. I won't touch it then. But it's so beautiful to look at. I'll just take a glimpse... And enjoy its art of dance... maybe, maybe, feel it too?
Talked to mom yesterday, and cried in a way that surprised myself. But the pain brought fresh insight into an old issue. I really gotta stop craving for painkillers
that ultimately enslave me again. The pain's gotta be dealt with - and by God alone.
It seems so easy to find emotional security and fulfillment in friends, relationships and other substitutes. But they just leave me over-dependent and hardly *really* emotionally fulfilled. They just leave you with an addiction and withdrawal symptoms - it's a hole that can't fill itself.
I have to surrender again.. surrender the road I can't see. But that's faith, right?
I asked for forgiveness, and experienced His warm embrace once again.
"My child... you don't have to worry. Just walk by me. Trust me."
It's a hole only God can fill.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." 1 Chr 16:34
This line seems so over-cited. But I took a look at what it really meant today... and it was so powerful.
The love and security we get from painkillers will eventually fade away.. where is your antidote?
