This week seemed to pass more slowly than usual... it wasn't very hectic but I had to hand in my last essay and go for the weekend-away in Leeds. My last essay handed in! Arghh I had such a hard time writing it... I had all my material and planned everything, but I had a language block when I was writing it. I just couldn't find the appropriate words to express myself! And I really overshot the word limit. I suppose it's alright for this term since it's not assessed, but I really have a problem with word limit, and it's gonna cost me next term.
Haii. Just received the department reading list (the general one, not the required reading for seminars...) and it was craaaazzzyy. argh. The sheer length of it and its subjects aren't exactly very... enthralling. I suppose it'll be interesting, and *really* challenging. There's Rosseau and Kant (arr... I really dislike philosophy...) and others. The thingy about Church and State should be interesting. Still...... oh well. It's really quite interesting but I'm feeling a little afraid of the challenge. It's ok! God will bring me through!
I'd say the Victorian era was pretty easy. It wasn't that complicated! And I didn't have to do the Communist Manifesto mua ha ha.. :D
But. Yeah. It's gonna be assessed next term. Felt a little of the pressure after scanning the reading list. It means that I gotta take my class discussions seriously... not that I'm horsing around, but it's quite hard to keep a balance between taking-it-seriously and not-getting-too-uptight-about-it. I heard my tutor's a really really nice lady though. Ah.. not as intimidating I suppose. And I'm in the asme seminar group as half my current one.. plus Lauren from CU! Yayyy.
I just came back from the weekend away in Leeds. It was really really beneficial, and I brought many bible-studying tips away with me. There was a lot of focus about reading the passages in context and not just taking verses out that apply to you. Even if they sound like they do, the context in which they are written may be very different. Hm. Yeah. Like, Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer" -- I read it once and God really spoke to me through this verse. But I had taken it to refer to being patient in a different kind of suffering... in context, it was about fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ. Hmmm yeah. Puts the situation in a different light...
At the same time I was fully conscious for the first time that I was Asian. I really didn't know why... I never felt this way before. I was tonnes more afraid to speak up, more self-conscious... I honestly hardly ever have this problem! I had one of the worst spiritual attacks ever. I was constantly judging, my emotions were out of control and I really became leashed by the monstrosities that were running wild in my thick head... hurt, loss and insecurity just returned from nowhere, I started to miss home terribly, I wanted to return to York - and all these for no justifiable reason. On top of that, I felt really guilty about reacting this way. I didn't know what was happening to me really.. on Saturday it was so bad I didn't feel like acknowledging anyone or looking at anyone. Kept silent during dinner, after which I ran up to the room, pretended to sleep but silently sobbed. The conversation that took place between the other girls in the room exacerbated the pain. I prayed and cried and prayed. Sounds crazy - because I have no idea what was happening and how it started. But I kept praying... and later on during praise and worship I couldn't worship properly.. just kept silent and cried and kept confessing. Then song after song came on and they were all so applicable.. there was one particular song where I suddenly looked up and broke free. It felt like the weight on me suddenly snapped and my head was extremely clear. The line that appeared in my head just then was, "SO WHAT? I have GOD and He's with me." Oh goodness... it was a sudden explosion of light and it rushed right into my head... from then on I was perfectly happy and normal already. There're remnants of dark patches... but I'm kept happy and busy for the Lord. :)
Crazzzyyy weekend. After I 'recovered' I was briefly sharing with Beth that I had a spiritual attack of instability.. and she said it's amazing that more people are starting to have spiritual attacks recently - things buried in the past just surface from nowhere - because it means there're gonna be GRREEAT things happening for God soon enough... mua ha ha. And as long as I know I'm wearing the armour and standing on God's side, WE WILL WIN THIS MAN...
Meanwhile, this week's gonna be quite random, but really good. I'm going for prayer sessions everyday and I'm gonna walk around campus with at least 1 or 2 others to pray for people's needs. No bible study, but there's a Halifax CU bowling social this weds, Singsoc outing on Thurs, and cookout+DVD on Fri. Sat night the bunch of us will be going to Newcastle and sleeping over at the airport... and Sunday morning we'll be flying to Nice. WOOHOOOOOO yeahh GOD LEADS ME...
The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
Ps 23:1
