The weather was freezing today... the temperatures were climbing up progressively and we were pretty comfortable with 8-10 deg, but it plummeted to about 3 deg today. The wind made it worse. I felt so horrible out in the cold, especially when my nose was block and I was phlegmy and stuff.
Was very anxious yesterday 'cuz I couldn't finish the text. Eventually I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be able to complete it by today, so I just read at my normal pace before I slept. Still not a good idea tho, 'cuz there was, perhaps, some underlying anxiety. Should have just prayed and slept. Kept dreaming about myself frantically searching for my air ticket back home (weird 'cuz the setting was in SINGAPORE tho I knew I was searching for a tic back to singapore.oh wells). Kept finding the same places again and again and again... you know, everytime I'm really anxious before I sleep (conscious or subconscious) I will dream of a fast-paced, high-intensity series of events, or something along those lines. Usually I dream of being chased. And yesterday it was just a repetitive, frantic searching of the same drawers again and again. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well and I woke up feeling very sickly.
Went for prayer meeting in the afternoon and it set many things right. Spent the rest of the day in the library trying to finish Woman In White (which is a great book. sensational novel of the Victorian times, after all) and I went for German class in the evening. Felt incredibly slow in acquiring the vocabulary and grammar but I suppose I 'excused' myself since I was in such a blur state of mind the entire day. On the way back as I was walking I kept praying... didn't know why I felt so uneasy when there was nothing really apparently wrong in my relationship with God. I was getting all tense 'cuz I kept thinking, "Am I not sensitive to God enough? Is God unhappy with me? Why do I feel so lousy? I feel so lazy and unworthy. Am I doing something God doesn't like? Is God telling me something and I'm unwilling to listen? Am I a good testimony? Am I spending too much time on myself and less on serving God?, etc." I felt so... argh, I don't know what the word is. LOUSY. and confused, basically. But I realised, as I was walking back, that there was absolutely NO reason that I should feel that way because the week was going fine so far, despite some little inconveniences, and I knew very well that I was in God's hands and doing nothing wrong. Why didn't I think of it? -- Satan's whispers were getting to me! When I realised I just kept praising God and singing and worshipping while I walked... and it did great wonders! CHRIST is in me and Satan is at my feet. I shall have no fears :) because God is my refuge and strength...
