I'm back in York!
Was feeling very down and unstable yesterday because I felt so alone... and surrendering myself to the Lord was very difficult. Couldn't give up many things...
And I guess I was uber tired. Kept nodding off during CU but I guess I absorbed some stuff the speaker said. It was about Psalm 22... and how it was about the emotions and suffering of Christ on the cross. It was so... emotive. And ouch. Really beautifully-written... made me see beyond my own 'suffering'. Not that it's really suffering! I am so thankful for the opportunity to study here... it's just the distance from familiar people and environment that leaves a gap in your heart sometimes.
But the Lord fills that gap and I'm so thankful and I praise Him for being so lovely! I think about the past 2 days and I realise that He has allowed every little thing that means so much to me come to pass... before departure, I got to see Ailin and Tim. I wasn't charged for my excess baggage though it exceeded by 10.2 kg. The flight was alright and time passed quicker than I expected. I was feeling so down yesterday and I started crying the minute Eleena asked me how I was, and I got to talk to her when I went to her room and she was so lovely she cooked for me! After CU I was feeling incredibly tired and I probably looked quite crummy.. walked back with Madeline and she said she understood how I felt, and gave me encouraging words and assured me that God will be there for me. She's really sweet. Then when I reached my room it wasn't long before Nora rang the bell and came up to my room.. she asked me how I was, gave me a hug and told me I could ring her anytime to talk to her if I wanted. Oh man... I felt really loved.. by God. He has allowed these things to come to pass to let me know that He loves me and understands how lonely I am... and yesterday's Psalm 22 really puts Christ's suffering in that light. The psalm was OVERFLOWING with Christ's pain and loneliness! He felt so alone in his suffering that he even felt distance from God... but after the first half of the psalm he became more assured and convinced that He will arise in victory. It started with painful prayer... and it ended with celebratory praise. I really hope and pray that my instability will come to an end.. and I'll learn how to depend wholly on my Lord for the love I need. :) Praise praise the Lord!
Things are getting busier... I've been great today 'cuz it had a good start. Woke up, felt empty, started praying.. and felt lots better. Went to the minster and they had a eucharist service. Oh wow, the choir was great... and it was a very formal, Anglican service. Seemed semi-catholic. Well I suppose there's not much of a difference in the first place... the only differences are probably political (don't know much about it though, so don't kill me if I made an erroneous comment). But oh, the place and the voices of the choir, the hymns, and everything... it really made me stand in awe of God. Praise after praise to the glory of God resounded in the echoes of the voices... they rose to the high ceilings of the minster and filled every corner of the place... including my entire being! Beautiful... I prayed and cried... so thankful and full of praise for His wonders.
Shopped for groceries again. I'm spending SO much on food.. eek. But I like the feeling of sufficiency. THat you never have to run out of things. My whole room smells of fried anchovies and peanuts and chilli... goodness. And I love my room now.. it's so homey! Messy the way I like it to be messy. :) And my ENTIRE window sill is cluttered with food...... chocolate digestives, dried mango, fried stuff, pineapple tarts (that turned to pineapple fillings with powder), nestum and milo, gummies, chocolates, pi pa gao, other pill supplements........ watch me put on weight at the end of 6 months ya.
I am so determined to exercise more... but that was the case for me in SIngapore right. I was so determined to exercise at least a few times each week. I ended up exercising a few times the entire month. Haha.
Ok. Gotta check out my cooking already. See you!
