Sometimes I just feel so *empty* at night.
It's like having so much work to do but feeling like there's nothing to do.
Or maybe feeling like you don't want to do the work.
Perhaps it's restlessness from the fact that I'm going back next week...
But I think it's more of dread that I have to return back here in January for 6 months without ever seeing my family and friends.
I do love my friends here.
But I realise something very true after reading a friend's blog -- that in Singapore, I'm always in constant companionship with people. I'm hardly ever alone. You have a family to return home to, peewee to 'murn', mama or kor or a special someone to talk to. Or at least, when you're alone, you know that you won't be for too long.
Here it's an empty blackness outside the window that gapes at you. Four walls and lots of books. Your only 'tangible' companion is the measly laptop... with its virtual reality of messenger and... music.
Music. I feel like bringing my guitar over. I need to play on something. Desperately.
Maybe even write. I haven't written music for so long...
I know it's not all that bad. I'm very fortunate and blessed to be able to come here. It's a precious experience. And more importantly I know God wants me here.
It's just that sometimes...
I feel so weak
And 3 years seem so long.
The texts get depressing sometimes.
They say no man is an island
But I feel like one now.
With temporary bridges built during the day
Only to be destroyed again, come dusk
I pray, God
Be a mighty fortress around this island
So there will be no fear of loneliness any longer...
I have to learn to trust Him... and sometimes it's so painful.
