"William R. Newell, The Book of Revelation, Moody Press, Chicago, 1966, p. 283 quoting Seiss from his book “On the Apocalypse” written in 1865.
In what, indeed, does the mightiest and farthest reaching power on earth now already center? A power which looms up in all lands, far above all individual or combined powers of church, or state, or caste, or creed? What is it that today monopolizes nearly all legislation, dictates international treaties, governs the conferences of kings for the regulation of the balance of power, builds railways, cuts ship canals, sends forth steamer lines to the ends of the earth, unwinds electric wires across continents, under the seas, and around the world, employs thousands of engineers, subsidizes the press, tells the state of the markets of the world yesterday that everyone may know how to move today, and has her living organizations in every land and city, interlinked with each other, and coming daily into closer and closer combination, so that no great government under the sun can any longer move or act against her will, or without her concurrence and consent?
Think for a moment, for there is such a power; a power that is everywhere clamoring for a common code, a common currency, common weights and measures; and which is not likely to be silenced or to stop till it has secured a common center on its own independent basis, whence to dictate to all countries and to exercise its own peculiar rule on all the kings and nations of the earth. That power is COMMERCE; the power of the ephah and the talent — the power borne by the winged women of Zechariah 5; the one with her hand on the sea and the other with her hand on the land — the power which even in its present dismemberment is mightier than any pope, any throne, any government, or any other one human power on the face of the globe.
Let it go on as it has been going, and will go, in spite of everything that earth can interpose to hinder, dissolving every tie of nationality, every bond of family or kindred, every principle or right and religion which it cannot bend and render subservient to its own ends and interests; and the time must come when it will settle itself down somewhere on its own independent base, and where Judaism and heathenism, Romanism and Protestantism, Mohammedanism and Buddhism, and every distinction of nationality — English, German, French, Italian, Greek, Turk, Hindu, Arab, Chinese, Japanese, or what not — shall be sunk in one great universal fellowship and kingdom of commerce!"
Revelations 13:16-17
6Also (the beast) compels all [alike], both small and great, both the rich and the poor, both free and slave, to be marked with an inscription [[c]stamped] on their right hands or on their foreheads,
17So that no one will have power to buy or sell unless he bears the stamp (mark, inscription), [that is] the name of the beast or the number of his name.
Freedom? Think again.
-edit-
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:36
Ohh well.. haha, the irony of life~
Just when the image of the Huang's stench-ridden scary goose egg, picked up from the road-side, lingers in the background of my mind, the egg song comes back to haunt me!
haha but it's cute ain't it :P
So, extremely, tired...
Been such a crazy week, trying to finish the stuff for the seminar, and for Anglo-Saxon, and for today's German exam which was laughably *bleagh*, considering I crammed a whole year's work into 2 hours of revision, so I only hope I pass. Haven't had a morning this week when I woke up feeling refreshed; almost each morning my body felt glued to the bed and my bones just immensely heavy. Trying to get any trace of sickness at its root so I won't be down with a fever just when reading week's coming (well, it's timely anyway). Amazingly after Mike prayed for me yesterday the stuffed nose went away... until today I stupidly went out in slippers again and my feet caught a cold. When will I learn? Ah, I'm just glad Thursday is over and I can sleep before 12. Just feel so tired, tired, tired physically because of all the rushing around and stress from miscellaneous areas. Want to curl up and lie in Jesus' arms, enjoying the sweet taste of rest and peace. Oh well, despite all this tiredness I still sing hallelujah sing hallelujah, sing! because He's awesome and beautiful and He's carrying me in my tiredness.
:):):):):)
Sing hallelujah
wawawahhh it's 3am and I'm about to peng-san but here's a quick update of what's been up:
- Film module this term is GREAT, keep watching movies, watched 2 fantastic Alfred Hitchcock films called Vertigo and Rebecca today.
- I'm finally finding inner motivation this term to finish my readings on time and do work properly! tho I should read a lot more I know.......
- Had a fantastic time just now just talking around the table with Lin, Ailin, Cui, Yiwen, Wee Zi, Jason, Louis, and earlier on with Fauziah and Pepper; we just talked for hours and there were many amusing points *muacks* love you guys~
- Talked to my Pa this morning wheee! Miss his voice.
- It's been raining raining raining this whole week, "wa rao eh beri cold sia", the cold is causing a really stuffed nose and perpetual headache
- Ennie I MISS talking to you!! Hope you're revising fine for upcoming exams and hope to talk to you soon!
- Small groups and Big groups (Halifax CU) have been such wonderful answered prayers from God. Last term it seemed really helpless (big groups especially) but after entrusting it all to God's hands He works wonders! looking forward to combined Big Groups with Langwith CU tomorrow
- God's made me discover what True Love is all over again :)
- and is teaching me to love not with my own strength but with His, praise Him
- Elim Church is GREAT
- Home in Singapore just seems so real I wanna fly back right now
- I'm incredibly sleepy, so off to bed I go
wheee~
So blessed, so loved, so cherished, so precious...
you lovely girls - Esther, Michelle and Heng Chin - I love you and thanks so much for tonight. Ahh... can't find the words to express that bubbly warm cushy feeling and peace inside of me. Praise and glory to God...
We had a smashing worship, sharing and prayer session, and the things deep in our hearts just came out, there was such understanding and connection between us. And what was amazingly glorious (to God) was that in one way or another someone in the group would have had such similar previous experiences so as to help somebody else. The prayers offered by the 3 lovely girls were so... ahh! touching! and sincerely heart-felt. And I just feel so blessed and encouraged by their words and by God's Spirit work in our lives. It's amazing how we've all grown since we first knew one another, and it's amazing and assuring to know there'll be more to come...
thanks Eleena for praying for me Sun morning, it felt so good just to share and pray with you like we did in Y1!
thanks Rokey for Maxi's takeaway (that was really nice of you!) and dinner
thanks Ailin for laughter in the kitchen
thanks Lauren and Beth and Tash for being ever so concerned and loving
thanks to God for taking my friends and I through a week that seemed unstable in some ways but so affirming in others, because we know even better now that You're always around
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20), glory glory glory honour hallelujah!! :)
"...又 恐 怕 我 因 所 得 的 启 示 甚 大 ， 就 过 於 自 高 ， 所 以 有 一 根 刺 加 在 我 肉 体 上 ， 就 是 撒 但 的 差 役 要 攻 击 我 ， 免 得 我 过 於 自 高 。
为 这 事 ， 我 三 次 求 过 主 ， 叫 这 刺 离 开 我 。
他 对 我 说 ： 我 的 恩 典 够 你 用 的 ， 因 为 我 的 能 力 是 在 人 的 软 弱 上 显 得 完 全 。 所 以 ， 我 更 喜 欢 夸 自 己 的 软 弱 ， 好 叫 基 督 的 能 力 覆 庇 我 。
我 为 基 督 的 缘 故 ， 就 以 软 弱 、 凌 辱 、 急 难 、 逼 迫 、 困 苦 为 可 喜 乐 的 ； 因 我 甚 麽 时 候 软 弱 ， 甚 麽 时 候 就 刚 强 了 。"
2 Cor 12:8-10
Perhaps it's the onset of summer (ish) that's teaching me to appreciate cloudy days -not that I dislike the heat or sun in any way, but I'm starting to discover the wistful poesy of grey skies, the damp air, and the smell of bittersweet musky rain unleashed and unreleased above. Yes you get that a lot in Singapore I reckon, but when temperatures are 10-20 degrees less it definitely becomes a lot more beautiful.
Cloudy days just have so much depth to them. It's not in your face, it's crying but it's not depressed, smiling but not tediously happy, it's a mixture of maturity and sobriety, with a calm, calm silliness with, maybe, the rustling of trees and the scurrying of ducks. It's just romantic.
'Twas a rather tiring week. Haven't been hyper-occupied as I was last term, thankfully, but yeah my health is weakening slightly so it's a sign for me to rest more. So 'coincidentally' that the things I've been reading in the bible for the past week have been about finding spiritual rest in God as well. Rest... I need to get my Sabbath day worked out. Been rather stressed on Sundays because there's always Anglo-Saxon the next day. Need to get this toxic out of my system and pray for God to help me like it, rather than psychologically repel it the minute it gets into my mind.
Might be a combination of tiredness, doleful weather and thoughts of home that's contributing to a quiet sense of melancholy in me. I don't know yet, need to get home with God to find out what's going on first. But it's not quite a melancholy that's depressive, and I don't know how to put a finger on it, but it's one that's making me smile deep down inside especially when I take a walk outside and look at flowers, greenery and birds all around, and I'm not quite sure what it means. A quiet sense of stillness inside, compatible with the grey skies in York now, appreciating the many little things from guitar strings to laughter to flapping wings and little raindrops falling on your face. Even that conversation by the lake with Rokey this afternoon felt so peacefully quiet, no not in terms of volume or what we talked about, but it's that quiet stillness as of a touch of raindrop on a still water, creating little circles flowing outwards. The ease with which we blended into the landscape and skies and lake, laughing about random things from ducklings to life to people. Such ease makes me think of Singapore really, how do I find the sense of balance once again in a bustling city of tall buildings, concrete paths, stifling claustrophobia and just, the cold, narrow space in between each concrete slab of wall? Guess I'm not too worried anyway, 'cuz half of me really wants to run home now into the arms of my mom, and I know as in all previous experiences God does provide and will. Yesterday's CU message was timely and a wonderful reminder of what my name means I suppose - that God's grace is sufficient and all I need, and I never have to fear because He's always with me.
This is the Air I breathe...
A cigarette that bears a lipstick’s traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
Having watched 3 films in 2 nights largely centred around just 2 main characters and their dialogue, it's fascinating to see what the little things relationships and dialogue are centred around. can't help but feel emotionally confused as well especially since all the endings were deliberately inconclusive. Brokeback wasn't disturbing for its gay content; putting the whole homosexuality issue aside what I found disturbing was more about the blatant adultery and rejection of the family. With no hard feelings there were a few certain points when Ennis Delmar was in the car with his daughter, bringing her to a meal with his girlfriend, or when he was in his caravan hearing the news from his daughter that she was getting married, when the look on his face just so resembled my dad's. It's that overwhelming but ineffable love for his daughter, revealed just in a few words because they can't find their means of expression, and there was that whole omnious feeling of a generational curse of familial brokenness, as perhaps with alcoholism or abuse (Ennis was orphaned, Jack's dad never cared for him). It's emotionally confusing because it's depressing yet it's giving me such a great sense of thankfulness in my heart right now, about my dad, and about my Dad, that I know I'm loved, so loved, so Loved, and so blessed...
A tinkling piano in the next apartment
Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant
A fairground’s painted swings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
And... love. So the theme keeps coming up in the films, as do in most fictional media. Back to the point about the film centering around just 2 characters and very minimally, other characters - perhaps that's just what communication and connection is. Quite amazing to see Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke carry a conversation for the entire stretch of the 2 films, Before Sunrise and its sequel. Perhaps a dialogue is just made up of the very little things of two persons... and beauty and appreciation, simply picking up on the very little things of people? There's a quote in Before Sunset by Delpy about how these little things are just attached to each person and that's what makes them beautiful... perhaps, perhaps the world is just made up of many little things calling out for our attention, waiting for a caress, a tune to be sung in their honour, an appreciation from the wandering eye. Maybe it's the little things of this world that beckon our love. The way she plays the guitar, the scent of his shirt, his eyes when he thinks, the way she says hello on the phone, that certain grin, that certain laugh... the dew drop on a flower, the sip of coffee in the morning, the way the birds call at 5am, the sound of tinkling piano keys, the air, still air, characterised by the silent buzzing of a table lamp or the ticking of a watch... maybe, maybe it's a collection of these little things which grow into a dialogue, a conversation, communication, relationships, communities, peoples, the world, the universe, God's kingdom
The winds of march that make my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings - but who´s to answer?
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
)
(Ella Fitzgerlad - These Foolish Things)
[incoherence]
[pat fall]
Spring sunshine fades as the winds of chill dance their way onstage... The sun retires to his bedchamber while the mistress of the sky hasn't appeared. It's cold, it's colder, but you know down inside it's still really quite warm compared to subzero degrees of winter. Still it's not quite as relaxingly warm as summer days appear to promise, but you know each season has its beauty and sometimes God just wants you to wait, to wait for the right time; the sun will shine down on you one day but it'll be even more beautiful because you've learnt to appreciate the winter, appreciate the spring... appreciate the waiting.
[/pat fall]
It's been an interesting few days, packed with friends and fellowship. Guilty as I am for not doing enough work as I ought to, I'm glad it's motivating me to start doing some serious reading tonight; perhaps I should start on Film Theory and Criticism. Something tells me I shouldn't be doing Modern Literature for my M.A. - it's horribly saddening and the films I'm watching this term are really dark as well. Do all good, artistic and worthy films have to be really sad? Mondays and Tuesdays are my film lecture days, and I watched Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf again 'cuz I did it for A Levels, and surprisingly I really quite enjoyed it whereas in JC2 I was cringing and getting really upset with the domestic war between husband and wife. Another sign perhaps that I'm definitely at a better place now with regard to attitudes towards marriage. But anyway, watched Glengarry Glen Ross today and it starred some really big guys like Al Pacino, Ed Harris and Kevin Spacey. Oh my goodness Al Pacino is....... fantastic. What is it about him that makes him such a great actor??? I'm nuts at these things, these technicalities, but ohhh he was brilliant. Still, the show is rather saddening, and I guess as much as I try to run I can't avoid societal politics anywhere in the world. York may be a relatively safe haven in which I hide from its realities but it's going to popup in the workplace anyhows, yeah?
The Lord be my shepherd and guide...
[chats]
Stayed out under the sun for quite a while after my film lecture as I was waiting for Tash. Sat on a bench nearish Derwent dining hall, overlooking the lake and the quiet place was directly across. It was nice sunshine. Read Mere Christianity and had to stop after 3 short chapters just to digest what Lewis was saying. Food for thought. But anyways I met up with Tasha and Lauren and we just sat on the grassy patch next to the quiet place and chatted for an hour.
Came back and met up with Jonathan, and we had a nice good chat for quite a while at the field behind Wood/Lindley Court. We met because he had some stuff to feedback regarding Halifax CU, but we drifted off to discuss all kinds of controversial issues regarding doctrine. It was interesting because we come from quite different ends of the doctrinal 'spectrum'; he's pretty conservative and I'm rather liberal - but what was crucial was that both of us were really open-minded, and I praise God for that :) It's so amazing and encouraging to see that we could discuss these issues with respect for each other and ultimately just harmonise with each other even if our interpretations were different (not to the point when they were indicative of outrageous error tho, that would be a different story altogether). It's uncanny and amazing at the same time because these 'differences' are inherently already resolved within that same common text (the bible). No it's not about a single verse or text giving rise to several disputing interpretations at a time, it's about a single bible holding all differences together within the exact same doctrine, because no matter how different interpretations can be there's always, always a point in the bible that resolves these differences not by bringing opinions together in agreement, but by pointing towards an agreement about how these differences should be dealt. Essentially elemental, yet paradoxical. and THAT is one of the powers of God's word. A testament to the even-greater love of Jesus that's in both our hearts. :) Man is bound to be different in opinion anyway. Even Crash suggests that conflicts so often occur due to people maximising differences rather than similarities. But who eats meat? Who eats vegetables? Who believes in orderly worship? Who believes in spontaneous flexibility? Who believes in kneeling down? Who believes in standing up? All are one in Jesus, through Jesus and for Jesus.
[/chats]
-backtracks-
Woke up at 5am this morning, and the short nap in the sun this afternoon probably also contributed to the headache I've been having since afternoon. Editing Yaozu's final year report hasn't been easy because I had to understand first these computer science concepts (at least that rusty sciencey part of my brain wasn't throbbing) and then rephrase it as best as possible. Yaozu was very patient in explaining them I reckon, especially for someone who's desperately rushing to meet the deadline. But I've never known rephrasing to be so difficult a process, or probably I was just immensely fatigued whenever I edited them. Haii, sorry yaozu... Still, it was a good thing to wake up that early this morning. God speaks through every little thing... and I guess He showed me this morning that if I want to wake up for early QT, I can. Yes, have been struggling with waking up early for QTs in Singapore (don't have 915s here wheyyy!) and gonna face the same struggle in summer when I've to wake up for work at about 6am each day.
6am!!!!! Argh!!
-backtracks further-
Went to Luv Esther yesterday.
erm. *cringes*
Well, I'd say it was a successful pop musical. But yeah, that was it. A successful pop musical. Whether it was biblical or not, well I guess it could be disputed. There were some scenes that were tastefully done and rather ingenious, some were really quite pop-trashy. Some interpretations (especially the allusion of Esther to Jesus) were new to me and thought-provoking, and the last bit about reaching out to the world by embracing our identities and God-given capacities (perhaps we have come to the kingdom for a time like this) really touched me I s'pose. The way they translated these ancient characters into modern-day relevance was rather interesting too. Haman the evil advisor was a gothic punk rock star, hahaha. But erm. The short skirts and wriggly bums and cheesy cheesy HORRIBLY CHEEEEESY pop URGH bleagH!! songs were... quite repulsive. But it'd be effective in reaching out to the British youth clubbing culture. So erm. biblical? I really don't know how to answer that.
But Jon and I were discussing Queen Esther at the park just now, and we thought she was such an interesting character. She knew perfectly how to balance the assertion/submission thing with regard to men in her life. o_O
Ah, and God's been incredibly faithful with regard to that entire issue. Been reading bits of the bible that encourage women to be capable (check out Proverbs 31 - talks about a 'noble wife' as one who trades, works, sells things, buys a field alongside other things. whoa! Now I really wonder how suppression of women could be justified biblically) and confident of their God-given identities and gifts in a largely male-dominated society. And Graham spoke on 1 Cor 11 on Sunday. Wah! Was so touched, immediately ran to Tash after the sermon, hugged her and teared, 'cuz it's amazing to see that God does answer prayers.
Was typing a more vitriolic post regarding the above this morning, it was a lot more thumpingly feminist and I realised it was because of a certain anger I've subconsciously harboured towards a certain someone and hidden for the past week or so. The computer completely blacked out and shut off in the middle of my sentence, and refused to turn on. Was so shocked especially 'cuz yaozu was coming over so I could proof-read his report and I most probably needed my computer, but it just wouldn't switch on. Tried it with my battery and without, the computer just wouldn't switch on. Eek, crawled back into my bed and started asking Daddy what happened, tho I sort of knew. Some time passed, then yaozu called and said he was coming over, I sighed and before I ran down to open the door I gave another shot and voila the computer switched on again, just in time for him I guess. But it was interesting how it switched off completely without apparent reason. Maybe my comp's just moody again, maybe there was a burnout? (I don't know. Rubbish with computer technicalities.) But then again. Maybe God just doesn't want me to type that post.
On Sunday I spent a whole day at Kathleen's with beloved brothers and sisters. We had Domino's for lunch and after that we had random conversations; felt homely around them and I guess just really felt at home at Elim because I already knew and got along well with so many of them including CU peeps like Monique, Mike and John. Will still pray about Elim and follow God's leading ba. But anyway, stayed around at Kathleen's house, harmonised abit with Esther while she was playing the guitar, and oh tried to do my Anglo-Saxon homework *pains* but decided to give up after a pounding headache and watched the rest play Cultris (multiplayer Tetris) instead. They were playing CS and something else while I was Anglo-Saxoning, guess Cultris was the finale. Tried my hand at it, and boy am I crap. :P It was fun anyhows... played Kathleen's piano for quite a bit on Sunday too, really miss playing spontaneously on the piano. Always did that at home whenever I got stressed with revision...
Is time really passing that quickly? It's almost mid-week through Week 3 and soon summer term will fly back with the bat of an eye; soon I'll be bidding farewell to leavers and placement-ees in July, soon I'll be back home in sweltering heat and saying farewells in turn to people leaving for the States in Aug/September. Parting's such sweet sorrow, but it's all a movement of chess pieces on that big board we're called to be on neh? Somehow I feel less anxious about impending changes, but maybe because I'm rather tired and I just can't wait to hit the sack. Or maybe I'm already starting to trust God even now for little changes that will occur along the way.
So now, girl, no more tears at the airport. No more tears.
[/incoherence]
Ah... awesome, awesome God......
Had a sense God wanted me to go for the prayer meeting instead of YCCF and prayed about it throughout the day 'cuz my heart wanted to go for YCCF - however there was a strange sense of something compelling me to go for the prayer meeting instead. Suddenly there was a feeling of weakness that made me feel, "Lord, I need You, I need to soak in Your HS tonight".
And so I went.
And it was awesome... I was so blessed by the Spirit and the 3 blokes (James, Taffy and Ben) were absolutely encouraging and open. There was spontaneous and free worship, we had a drum set, guitar and grand piano there so we just played with the Spirit flow, prayed spontaneously, sang spontaneously, jumped danced knelt sat whatever! It's been ages since I went for a prayer meeting, think I'm gonna try alternating it with YCCF since they're always having it on Fridays. Oh but it was great... there were so many answers to my prayers for the week, just words of encouragement or prophecies spoken through them, and they were precisely what I needed to hear - exact images that course through my mind are picked up on by someone and given to me as encouragement, the specific prophecy that my mom spoke and prayed over me a week ago was echoed again by James. and everything seemed too surreal to be true, too... uncanny. It's like when all you've been hearing over the past week just comes crashing upon you on one single night and it's God's voice saying,
Listen, listen, listen to Me.
It's still too surreal to swallow, need some time to really think about what Ben James and Taffy (Paul) have said to me. Oh, such wonderful wonderful brothers-in-Christ. And it's also the first time I've seen a brother sobbing in prayer not for himself but for friends whom he loves. Taffy, from the start, gave me words too beautiful to understand, but they were words that I needed to hear; Ben gave me words about home and that's really been on my heart for the past week, especially with church and family; James was just such a kind and loving brother, and mentioned specific things I ought to do. Tried to be as open as possible to their words, and when I really let go and be open open open in worship and receiving, I really received, and it was so amazing I kept smiling non-stop while walking home with Taffy....
Yes, I've fallen so in love again
So in love with Jesus. :)
哇，准不准？ I was being practical in choosing neh~
"在失意时或迷失方向时，你会遗忘事物的顺序为：第1是：回忆；第2是：地位；第3是：梦想；第4是：爱人；第5是：朋友"
http://www.czinfo.net/heart/cx1/xg30.htm
Such peace, such joy...
I remember Roger's funeral service end of last year - there wasn't mourning or grieving, there was so much singing and joyous celebration it was like a wedding!
1 Cor 15:42-44
"So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body."
v53-57
"For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Hallelujah.
Thank You Father that Karen is now imperishable, glorious and clothed with power. :)
and I just got a text that Karen passed away
thanks for all your prayers guys...
It's been quite a potentially-depressing day, and when I say depressing I guess I refer to things that've happened along the day that have tried to make a grab for my emotions but after dying to myself again and again, and learning to submit to God, I admit it's a lot better than it could have been......
Went for my first film lecture today, Trainspotting. Yeah I've watched it before, and my 2nd time watching it I didn't fancy it that much, 'cuz the book somehow addressed a lot of things more humanely. But the book isn't easy to read either. I find myself squirming not at the F's and C's that appear every 2 lines or less (in a bad/good way I've become immune to it), but at... everything in it. How women are just shag-objects and victims of violence, mistreatment, even unwanted pregnancy; how they're just so vulnerable, while these blokes have the glam of beating the arses out of everyone else or getting hits of heroin and hash, or just the glam of hitting on a chick, whatever. I don't want to be a self-righteous *doh* but I really feel uncomfortable about the way guys were slashing each other not physically but in terms of verbal abuse, backstabbing, betrayals - due to what? drugs, money? chicks. sexuality, even. I had to keep uttering a prayer and consciously distance myself from what I'm reading again and again, because I just get too 'into' books and films. Guess this is something I've got to learn; literary distance is good sometimes, yeah? Tho it takes the 'pish' out of your emotive imagination sometimes.
But one thing I really realised from the book is how quickly people jump to anger, and how they blame everything in the world except themselves, which escalates the anger anyway. This guy Bagbie in the novel (and film, actually) is... psychotic. He's just angry all the time, breaking things and almost killing people by simply picking fights on the most trivial of things, and blames everything on everyone else but him - He knocked into me; the systems and the world's all sh*te; That bloke's a C; yada yada...
And it was so obvious to all around him that the problem was him. I'll quote from the novel:
"... He believes that ah'm suffering fae low self-esteem, and that ah'm refusing tae acknowledge that by projecting the blame oantae society. He feels that ma means ay emasculating the rewards and praise (and conversely condemnation) available tae me by society is not a rejection ay these values per se, but an indication that ah dinnae feel good enough (or bad enough) aboot masel tae accept them. Rather than come oot and say: Ah don't think ah have these qualities (or ah think ah'm better than that), Ah say: It's a loaday f*in sh*te anywey..."
And while so many grumble, there's still a larger picture out there and greater causes to moan about. Was in the sports centre's changing room today when I received a text from Gaius saying Karen was just involved in a car accident and was brain dead and on life support. I was totally numb - she was only 23? 24? I'd just seen her before I left and she and Linda just passed me a book about God's grace, I'd just seen that face before I left. but no it's not about me - after a confusing time of not knowing how to feel, the pain crept in as I started to think of her family and the possible confusion in people's hearts back home in church. Was in quite a daze as I walked back to Halifax.
Lord, it's all in Your hands. And there're so many things we don't understand, but what can we do? I entrust it all to You and pray You will comfort those who grieve, and answer those who question. I still trust that You are Love, but I pray You'll let us know what Your will is... thank You, Father.
It was a potentially-depressing day... and it could be affecting, but I thank God it wasn't. It's uncanny how much God's been reminding me so much recently about reality and life in Ecclesiastes-fashion -
what are riches, degrees, money, relationships, nature, momentary happiness and experiences, transitory love, celebrations and parties, friends, family...? Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless
And I will trust in You alone.