think I've put it to mind to quit MSN. unless for necessary purposes I guess I won't be going online much, so if need be contact me via internal/mobile/email. for those overseas I'll be on skype tho! so ring me whenever :)
One step ahead to better time management!
On a side note, Singapore's central has a new http://www.citybuzz.com.sg
Aye, someone ride on it with me when we get back ok.
Sigh, overwhelmed with wistful nostalgia... am I running away from reality again?
(Off to Germany tomorrow, will be back on 31st...)
Ahhh.... 说不出的平安和喜乐~~~
It's been an amaaaaaaaaaazingly HECTIC week because it's Week 10; you woulda thought things slow down towards the end of term but they actually pick up in week 10 because of all the end-of-term catching up and socials to do. But. Oh my goodness! How has this term FLOWN by so quickly?!?! In a twinkle of an eye it's March and before long I'll be back home in Singapore... and back in York again. Ahhhhhhhhh. Part of me is so reluctant to go back to Singapore because of the totally different lifestyle and routine back home. And for some reason I'm actually healthier here. Well... like what my younger brother said to me this afternoon, "You know what's mama's greatest wish for you when you come back? That you'll be alert and you won't switch off. And keep crashing into things..."
Hee. Yes for some reason I just switch onto 'autopilot' when I go back home. 妈妈在嘛，有人照顾，所以就变了懒猪。。。 ah. Yes. Live for the Lord!!
But oh my goodness!!!!!!! 1 and 2/3 of my degree is gone GONE GONE!!! 啼笑皆非. Oh wells I'm content anyway, God's my HOME not Singapore nor York, everywhere He leads me there'll be green pasture.... :)
Sorry for such a melodramatic post; this comes out of 8 hours of watching Anne of Green Gables till 6 am in the morning, as well as an emotionally-charged (not emotional, as in.. charged and hyper too) phonecall home. Talked with my mom and my bro for about 2 hours and... ah! Love them love them love them so much. It felt great just to share about personal matters with my mom, and to hear some of her thoughts and struggles regarding relationships and what-nots (it was like talking to a sister really); felt so encouraging to see my younger brother grow in the Lord and in so many gifts and talents as well. Such a charmer! 好像看着儿子长大一样。。。好欣慰~
Oh, oh yes. Digressed terribly. Er, it's been such a hectic week, so hectic that early mornings Mon and Tues I woke up with cold sweat 'cuz I knew I had to run around a lot, and didn't know if I had the stamina and strength to keep up with all that. But thank God He brought me through - got quite manic on Weds especially with all the responsibility involved in organising stuff, but it just worked out towards the end of the week and I was really enjoying myself as I ran around. Yesterday was the best day of the week I think, had such a great time. Well, for starters I was granted 11 hours of sleep all the way till 1pm because I was absolutely knackered the night before, then I biked (Pepper has SUCH a cool bike) into town to meet Steve the leader of YCC in the Spurriergate centre. Had such a great time talking to a fatherly figure as he is, and recollected the amaaaazing things God has done in my life just within a year. Transformed me inside out from the 1st term I was here! After that I had to withdraw like 600 quid worth of money to change into traveller's cheques and euros for Monday (going to Germany), then shop around for a bag 'cuz mine was getting irritatingly hole-y (pity, I had that bag since JC 1. fond of it), after which I went to Heslington Lane and looked up my ex-housemates in their house... ahhhh! I miss them so much! Had a nice chat with Andy about all kinds of things; he's quite a conversationalist that guy, and I miss talking to him so - remember when we were in the same seminar group in the first term we talked lots to each other! Ahh, the old times. Glad to see both of us being shaped and matured as time goes by. Anyways, left Andy's and went to Fellini's for a singsoc social, yummy-licious pizza which I gobbled up quick enough; had amusing conversations about a phantom lemon and concave structures. After that we left for Dusk and grabbed some cocktails (or a pint, for some), had a great chat with Inderjit about EDUCATION (ahahaha) in Singapore and challenges/changes involved. Had to leave soon after that; biked again to Tasha and Lauren's place at BADGER hill (aww!!) and we had such such such a great time together, just joking about random things and laughing about Anne of Green Gables. Such a show for hopeless romantics. cheesy at times but surprisingly deep and real. No, I don't think guys will like the film very much... We watched and laughed, snuggled and snacked till 6am then we dozed off and woke up to a delicious spread of breakfast (courtesy of Tash) at 11. Ahhh. Such blessed-ness. :)
So I came back about 3 hours ago, talked to my family, got a postcard from Tim (ooooh I'd LOVE to visit Australia sometime next year or something...!! Can look up Ray and Shanna in Melbourne too, and Cui in Sydney), sorted out some random stuff and I should be going to the gym later. In some sense I feel liberation although there's still the essay to write to hand in next term, because at least there's no seminar hanging over my head and no CRepping to do for the next 5 weeks - it's a time of rest, time of seeking (God) about specific things next term, time of enjoyment in Germany and with friends, movies, yada...
Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
And the song goes... He makes all things beautiful in its time...
:) :) :) :) :)
Got back from Huang's just a little while ago. I just feel so blessed. to be blessed by sisters is such a wonderful thing, to be able to bless others not by your own strength but by God's an even greater blessing. and thanks for such such such an encouraging comment shiao en! how lovely it is in Your dwelling place Lord... where I can frolick around in the fields with my fellow princesses (well, and princes) and receive/give joy that comes entirely and firstly from You
then I start to see why God has allowed certain things to happen in my life, even in my mom's life, things that have been so painful and heart-wrenching to walk through but things that have evolved into blessings for people now with similar experiences; got such a shock when I was talking to 2 sisters today because what they're going through now is exactly what my mom and I went through at different times. It was like hearing mini-me and mini-mom retelling the stories of their lives... 0_0
we were talking about prophecies and dreams at the dinner table today, and just a while ago it just suddenly hit me how God's specific revelation about ministry is blooming into its reality and the amazing thing is that I didn't initiate anything 'cuz most of it just... fell from the sky! It's quite freaky to have such a personal prophecy fulfilled before your very eyes... but, as I was saying to Heng Chin just now in a frightful whisper: "God is so... great."
nothing's better than having the confidence with knowing you're walking in God's will
:) :) :) :) :)
it's amazing how God's faithfulness shines through in the most amazing ways, and even in the weirdest fashions and symbols: been seeing the image/notion/idea/representation of the Lion in so so many ways the past week (the most uncanny was when I walked into Jovita's room and saw a gadzillion lion soft toys in there lol) and I was really wondering about it, asked Him about it, then sang How Great is Our God today in church with the part about the Lion and the Lamb and I was like "oh my goodness why didn't I think of that earlier?!" Was basically so caught up in so many other things and struggling emotions that I completely didn't see the Lion in me; that I've got a roaring Lion with me all the time fending off nasty attacks from... vultures?
Had such a weird day yesterday, was basically plagued by so much fear and guilt about what'd happen if I chose to disobey Him in so many areas because the nightmare just basically portrayed it so realistically, ah, it was filthy and disgusting, the attitudes I'd blatantly carry even in the name of being a 'Christian' when I clearly wasn't - but after CU Katie prayed over me and read so many verses and promises to renounce the lies that've been circling around in my head
On a darker note, it was horrible. Really horrible. But God just shone through all those lies in the end and I felt so released after Katie's proclamations and prayer. And when I was sharing with Ailin in the room about the day's random happenings suddenly my eyes were opened to how God's faithfulness has been revealed throughout the day... the things that were closest to my heart, and certain massive issues that encircled them - my family, my utmost weakness, prayer support - had clear and specific intervention from God; when I told Ailin about my dad I was just tearing out of joy for how amazing my Lion is, my protector, my Lord, my King...
Shiao En, I should change your song to "I've got a Lion inside of me"
lol.
Wah. This is how scary.
Had my first nightmare in... ages and like all vivid dreams I've had it's got a haunting message behind it. I had such a long, awful dream of what I was before Jesus changed me completely and it was set in the now in YORK involving certain friends I love, and oh my goodness it gave me such a clear picture of what I'll be now if I went and acted entirely according to my desires and not obeyed Him... It was so horrifying I woke up in tremendous fear and guilt, had to spend quite some time in prayer to find assurance in the cross and the victory in Jesus
But it was so horrific... oh God... don't let me return to the past... please...
And so the painters came, painted the whole house hues of purple to red, which isn't that bad actually tho it takes some getting used to, but it's not as bad as green (sorry to green-lovers out there) and some forsaken colour like... mangy yellow or something hehehe
If I were a painter, I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you to be with me
Paint my love - painter song - if a picture paints a thousand words - wonder how many songs there are with the word paint in their titles? For some reason i think the word 'paint' is interesting though I can't put a finger to it. It's liberating... and beautiful. Connotations of creativity? Don't think painting Wood K takes much creativity though... skill, yes, but...
so, they indirectly forced me to pack up everything in my room and unpack them again when the room's semi-dry. I can't complain, 'cuz for some odd reason as I like washing up, I kinda like packing. Therapeutic. hee. But it's done an amazing thing to my room - I stuffed all the books I didn't need into a box and my shelves look tidy for once. Should take a picture for my family because they wouldn't dare believe it considering I'm quite a slob compared to the rest of them. hurhur...
Been missing home more than usual for the past 2 weeks or so. Wonder why? Xi Ren came over and cooked us a really good meal, but the fish especially brought back nostalgic resonances of home - mom would steam a fresh fish almost everyday, and we'd stuff rice and other miscellaneous meat and veg into our rapacious mouths, not fully aware of the blessing we have in having such food cooked for us everyday. For some obscure reason I think 'fish' is synonymous with 'home' now - random..... but eh, true leh - 'England' and 'fish' just don't click (insert: no-link hand action)
This is quite a random post. Barrrhh. Barrrhhhh. lion? what lion? Why're there so many weird feelings and notions popping up these 2 days... Sigh, focus, focus, focus, God help me focus on You.
lol, pilfered this from a Adelalalalalala's blog:
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff......
13. Potential Murder Suspect
God liberated me from PMS (woohoo)!
And so much for girliness. Been reading literature for the past 7 weeks and especially for the past week about women just functioning as submissive pretty creatures. According to tales the likes of The Wife of Bath and The Marriage of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle the most horrible monster a knight can possibly chance upon - worse than an army of knights or a giant - is an ugly woman. (Aiyo... have things changed, ya think?) Also, the above two tales resoundingly concur on the fact that a woman's best desire is to have prerogative over her husband - really meh? I've read certain interpretations of a certain line in Genesis this way, but anyways I haven't experienced marriage and have no idea whatsoever about this... but whilst reading all these texts (and especially Arthurian Romances) I started thinking indeed about that deep insidious arrogance and difficulty in submitting to men in me, which have made things really difficult and tense in the past and in relationships neh. Lil cat with a vicious lion at heart. rarrhh! If it's one thing I hate it's male chauvinism. Shudder!! I could reason it out enough and say I've been brought up under one extreme of being forced to submit to hollering, alongside another extreme of fighting it out myself as a woman and refusing to depend on any man for sustenance, but... aye. I've got to relinquish this insecurity and learn to submit. Like Jesus who washed their feet...!
"Love, honour and obey" - Paulina (haha)
So, girls in the house, whacha feel about submission? Hmm. :)
Beloved Cui sent me this really cool link!! :D view it view it!
The Simpsons
What a blessed, blessed day... :)
In the morning I was just waking up from the grumpiness of last night because I hadn't done my Anglo-Saxon work as I told myself to; was quite upset that after my day of rest on Weds I still didn't manage to get work done, and for some reason last night my confidence and emotions went on a downhill glide again. Had a glimpse of what it was like a year ago, but no I prayed and prayed and went to sleep, praying that I'll sleep so well and absolutely have no recollection of dreams...
... and I woke up the next day aroused from such a deep deep sleep - praise God 'cuz it's been AGES since I slept so well woohoo! Still there were remnants of 'un-peace' and I didn't know why, but kept praying about it and in the end He released me after some while of praying in the Spirit... after Anglo-Saxon in the morning I went to James College, collected some books from Joy for Mo (books that have blessed me so much) and talked to Joy for a while, went to the gym for 1.5 hours, went to the Music Department to see if I can get membership but realised I didn't have enough cash on me so I'm going back on Tues again, left for a CRep meeting at Goodricke... then it started pouring SNOW outside!! wheeeee! It was so so beautiful......
Anyways, came back and slacked around abit, didn't do work but had a good chat with Marcus about all kinds of random things like MOE scholarship and fair trade, then realised time slipped by so quickly and it was time to have dinner and leave for YCCF. Met up with the rest at costcutters at 6.55pm and wow! It was incredibly encouraging to see a whole army of people leaving from Halifax... the first time I went to YCCF it was only a small group of people - I'm so heartened to see how it's grown so much!! Praise God! Started mingling around, talked to Winfred, Yolanda and Xi Ren on the way there... Felt a little odd initially 'cuz it's been so long since I've properly talked to the bunch of people there, but I soon warmed into the crowd especially when we reached Kathleen's house and met my lovely lovely darlings, people whom I haven't talked to in ages including dearest Shiao En! Had such a wondddderful time catching up with her, sharing and praying after bible study; it's so exciting to see how God's working in each of our lives and just letting miraculous things happen each day to shape us in character... :) (You bless me, sister!) Anyways, after a time of singing we went into smaller groups for bible study; I went for the Chinese one and initially had qualms about my language ability because I haven't attended a bible study group in Chinese for a long, long time, and even when I did back in Singapore I was free to speak and share in English since most of the people in my Youth Group are from the English and Bilingual Services. But God just spoke the Chinese for me! I was like 0_0 cuz I know it wasn't me speaking... my Chinese really gets its sucky moments and I know how bad it can be... but when I felt it in my heart to share the words just came out (even tho I had to mix it with English occasionally) and it was exactly like it was in Malaysia 2 years ago when it was such a challenge giving my testimony and sharing in Chinese with Chinese-speaking families. Anyways, had to keep praying in my heart during bible study that God will humble me and not let me get proud... but at the end of it all I was just so glad I was able to give some input - certain verses, certain words of encouragement, certain experiences I've had in my walk with God. What Ma said was true - every struggle I've had or am going through will be a blessing to others in the future. Take heart, for all of you who're struggling right now :)
Yeah, after bible study (after I prayed with Shiao En) we had a singing session (with actions! haha) with Jason on the guitar... it was fun seeing everyone lay down their self-consciousness and doing silly actions together *grin* We left about... 12 am? Opened the door to a snow-laden white paradise and launched ourselves into mortal (snow) combat, pseudo-counterstrike! Felt like such a child (and a happy child at that! Shiao En reminded me of the time we played tag in Vienna), and yeah Xi Ren was just absolutely sweet for offering me his gloves because he probably overheard me saying that my hands were hurting.. What a dear!! Anyways we continued fooling around hurling snowballs at each other - there were Amanda Yaozu Rokey Heng Chin Shiao En Winfred Jason Joe(y?) Mo Adam Xi Ren did I miss anyone out? Yeah... fond memories like these are going to stick around in my mind for a longg longgg time... Guys kicking trees so that snow will fall on them. Haha, silly...
came back, Ailin showed me this fantastically funny video of Louis decapitating a snowman and it's here. It's hilarious!! After that en came online and promised to send an elephant from Australia! Hahaha... no, I'm sure he was kidding...... I hope. But yay! Had a nice convo with him and was encouraged to see him starting to go for fellowships and intending to go to CU and stuff. Keep walking in the Lord bro!! :)
Ah......
above all, it really isn't about these events throughout the day that've made me happy. I mean, they did, and I thank God so much for these precious people and a chance to serve wherever I go... but somehow today I found such freedom, such a spiritual breakthrough, I've become closer to who I am, rid of certain struggles that've plagued me for years cuz God's just amazingly answered my prayers, I've become freer and... wow, found such joy in the Lord. The CU weekend away was such a booster but it was really all the emphasis on following the Lord closely that's brought everything to a roll - and it's rolling on, rolling on, may the Lord grant humility and wisdom to sustain it so it's not dependent on emotions but entirely on HIM...
Looking forward to my elephant!! Mua ha ha :D wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:24-25
Are you aware that unforgiveness is actually a curse?
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist" to know and have had experiences with that; it's usually harder on the person who cannot forgive than on the other since he's the one experiencing the rage and bitterness. But bearing unforgiveness is such a grave curse because it's taking lightly God's own forgiveness of you - in other words, unforgiveness is a way of spitting on His blood and refusing to clear other people's debt to you even though your own debt has been cleared by someone else. It becmoes a barrier between you and others, ultimately between you and God, and significantly blocks out a large potential of blessings that God is ever so ready to give you.
"...whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him..."
see the link? :)
Also, think about why it's mentioned in the Lord's prayer too - with just like approximately 6 lines to encompass the whole of the bible and the whole of our lives Jesus actually makes it a point to include the point on forgiveness hence showing how significant it actually is. Most importantly, we finish the Lord's prayer with the concluding lines but most people aren't actually aware of the lines that immediately succeed the Lord's prayer in Matthew 6:
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (v14-15)
Voila. there ya go. From my personal experience forgiveness was such, such, such a key feature in my breakthrough with God and spiritual blessings; I had to keep praying for God to open my eyes to hurts in the past that I've slowly become immune or blinded to, had to keep praying for God to compassion and love to forgive, and there were lots of times I really thought they didn't mean anything to me anymore, or when I thought I've forgiven them, only to realise that the way they're affecting me at the present still clearly reflected I hadn't. God had to bring me back to every stage of my life to see who I haven't actually forgiven...
Your parents? Your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend? Your sibling? A friend from secondary school who betrayed you? Yourself?
"Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive" - Delirious
http://www.delirious.org.uk/lyrics/songs/majesty.html
Recovered my security and place in the Lord, such peace, such stability, such... joy...
Security... that's what most girls want isn't it? ;)
Had a lovely weekend away, had a lovely Monday, had a lovely Tuesday, lovely chats with lovely sisters who bless me so much, lovely chats in the kitchen with the Singaporean bunch, lovely mornings when I just wake up feeling the smile of God radiate down on my face, lovely days even when it's raining or when the wind blows the chill into your bones, lovely peace even when the future's uncertain, lovely times with God in the mornings and throughout the day, lovely lessons of listening in the Spirit and knowing that I'm still learning, I'm always learning, and that the Lord loves me for who I am despite all my weaknesses, lovely DISCIPLINE yeahhhh I'm finally getting my discipline back regarding music work and gymming, lovely fellowship and times of refreshing in the Lord's g r a c e . . . .
晚上吹着冷风踩单车经过 Heslington Village 时候，抬头仰望着黑天上的砖石 - 觉得好美好美，在新加坡很少很少能看到这么美丽的天空。。。再次觉得自己好幸福好幸福。。。
“我的恩典是够你用的”
阿门 ;)